Bi Polar Mania -

I am learning to compromise in life, to compromise with expectations. It took me nearly thirty years to figure out life will follow it’s own natural ebb and flow regardless of what you expect or think you deserve. I am optimistic, however, that what is meant for me will be for me. I do genuinely believe that and on days I lose hope, or ground, I remember this statement. It comforts me. If I am authentic with my intentions for my ideal future, I can aim and land the mark at least slightly in the ballpark of what I envisioned…I believe this

Metamorphosis

I am experiencing a metamorphosis and I can feel my bones breaking and bending into a newer, more brilliant version of myself. It’s uncomfortable yet liberating. I am finally realizing what serves me; what works in my life and what does not. It is uncomfortable because I am doing some heavy healing and acknowledging I […]

My Memory Is A Camera

I have a photographic memory. I know what you’re thinking, ‘So?’ So memories leave an imprint on my heart in a way unlike others. I can put myself in a time and a space and remember exactly what I was wearing, how I was feeling, and the facial expressions of my company. I can put […]

depression

mental health

30 and Counting, “It’s My Birthday and I’ll Cry If I Want To”

I wrote three years ago a blog post titled “It’s My Birthday And I’ll Cry If I Want To.” In this blog post I outline how easy it is to fall trap to reflecting on all the missed opportunities or paths not taken on your birthday, “Thoughts like “I should have had a degree by […]

Uncategorized

I Hold On When I Get Love, And I Let Go When I Give It

I am never afraid to throw myself in the deep end cause I know I will never drown if I am being authentic with myself. I worked too hard to love and respect myself to throw in the towel now. Yes, I beat myself up (on the regular) and there’s days I hate some of my neurotic tendencies but at the end of the day, I got me for life. The conversations you have with yourself and the way you interpret your experiences will dictate the kind of life you will have. I choose to see everything as a learning experience and a way to get to know myself better. The most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. Let the anger, the bitter thoughts go. Whatever heavy bullshit you’re carrying in your heart – let it all go. It’s okay to bask in it for a minute (we’re all human), let it serve it’s purpose, as a warning signal to work on yourself a little harder.

writing

The Epilogue (of my memoir as it stands)

It’s a tale as old as time, a girl has a dream and she inevitably falls short of reaching it. Is that all I am? I am the girl who lost out on her dream. I am the girl who put all her effort in what she deemed a sure shot and watched it disintegrate into nothing.

A Reminder To Decompress – Center Yourself With Journaling

I’m listening to Birdy as I write this blog post and as she serenades me I recollect what generally in the past has soothed me – journaling – getting in touch with my thoughts, my head space, where I’m mentally at. As of late, I’ve been having emotional outbursts that lead to endless streams of […]

Personal

“She’s Celestial Magic” (An Ode To My Cat)

misunderstood. She understood that some days I wanted to play, we would chase each other play fighting cause FYI my baby is sassy like me. But she seemed to really understand the days when I needed to rest from the demons in my mind, letting me cry into her fur, dampening it with my tears. She’s always there, never far behind, always by my side. I mean literally the poor girl has some attachment issues, and never leaves my radius unless forced to by my temporary absence from home.

addiction

art

depression

dream

education

health

hope

mental health

recovery

Uncategorized

Graphic Design: My Hidden Talent and Passion

“I may have found my calling through a series of misfortunate events…but I rediscovered what I was born to do – share and make a living from my art.”

addiction

bipolardisorder

blog

delusions

depression

health

hope

recovery

Uncategorized

Almost Two Years Sober and Counting…

There reaches a point in your journey when a fork appears in the road, and you can continue on the same path you’ve been travelling in hopes it one day changes for the better or you can take the road you’ve yet to explore. You’re not quite sure if it will yield what you hope for but at the very least it will assuredly offer something new and different. After a long couple of years of misery, I decided I was either going to continue down the path of substance abuse mindlessly covering my internal wounds with essentially band-aids, or I could be brave and choose a new path – one where I struggled, got sober, and came to terms with myself honestly and authentically. Consider the road that challenges you the most when these forks appear on your life’s journey. I can tell you from personal experience, they are more rewarding and you learn that you are truly capable of whatever you set your mind to. Set your mind to exploring, exploring self-growth and you will never regret it. Each day I come closer to understanding myself a little better and I know now I am extremely susceptible to becoming overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts that do not serve me. I keep this in line by keeping my wits about me since (as I can attest) drugs just add to the chaos. I want to fully appreciate and interpret my world without dulling it or numbing it on some whim. I want to feel…everything. I no longer wish to hide behind a substance as a way to cope with some shit reality. I intend to create my own, better reality.

“Don’t you miss getting high?”

To that I reply, “I am already high.”