I process things differently than most in that I let go. Sure, there is an inevitable period of grieving but mine is shorter because I can recognize when something was not meant for me, when it’s served it’s purpose in my life and it’s time to move on. I feel for the people who have entered and left my life for I seem unfazed and I hate to confirm their thoughts, but I am.
I learn from every relationship and situation I find myself in. I am forever growing and I appreciate those who have pushed me to move mountains. I adapt quickly and swiftly to the ugliness life can throw at you. It is because I have seen darkness.
I almost ended my life to this darkness and will never let it consume me again. People wonder where my positivity comes from and alluring upbeat attitude and it is because I have seen the devil himself and he almost claimed my soul.
I firmly believe life gives you just what you need as you need it. When something great in my life comes to an end, I respect and reflect on the joy it brought me. I can choose to be frustrated and angry it had to end but this doesn’t serve me. I want to be the best possible version of myself and in order to be this, I need to recognize the growing pains.
There is a quote in one of my favourite novels “Siddhartha” by Herman Hesse which is, “”You’ve experienced suffering, Siddhartha, but I see: no sadness has entered your heart.” Siddhartha believes suffering is an illusion and I agree. If you see all your hardship as a stepping stone to learning what you are truly capable of, you will accept the pain with grace.
I smile when I shed tears because I am thankful for the experience – to cry. I need to feel that pain in order to recognize when I am experiencing true joy. I need to suffer in order to wake up to the realization it is time to level up. If I am upset with my current situation or a relationship, I know what I have to do – I have to change something.
Most people shy away from change yet I chase it. I LOVE change. I need it, I yearn for it. If things seem stagnant in my life or I am not happy, I recognize change is the solution. I’m sorry but I hate people who complain about their lives who aren’t eagerly trying to find a solution or make a change that would most likely ease their suffering.
I am never afraid to throw myself in the deep end cause I know I will never drown if I am being authentic with myself. I worked too hard to love and respect myself to throw in the towel now. Yes, I beat myself up (on the regular) and there’s days I hate some of my neurotic tendencies but at the end of the day, I got me for life. The conversations you have with yourself and the way you interpret your experiences will dictate the kind of life you will have. I choose to see everything as a learning experience and a way to get to know myself better. The most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself. Let the anger, the bitter thoughts go. Whatever heavy bullshit you’re carrying in your heart – let it all go. It’s okay to bask in it for a minute (we’re all human), let it serve it’s purpose, as a warning signal to work on yourself a little harder.
Be Easy On Yourself, Learn To Love The Flaws, And Always Strive To Make Your Mind A Positive Space To Be In.
All My Love,
XOXOXOXO,
BiPolarMania