I have mentioned in previous blog posts that I have wanted to get sober from smoking pot and how it was a big struggle for me. I am proud to say I am almost three weeks sober! This is the longest time I have gone without in over five years and so it is no easy feat and yet it is. I have been constantly surrounded by substances these past weeks and have consistently rejected them. Three weeks ago I simply said enough is enough! and I have stayed true to this realization since.
So what do I notice has changed since quitting pot?
I have noticed I have tons of energy and am able to get through the day without napping which I was not managing beforehand. Before quitting weed, I was always tired and constantly oversleeping which was starting to alarm me. I also notice a more positive attitude and increase in productivity. I no longer want to sit around wasting my time getting high when I could be doing things! like going for long bike rides or painting a beautiful piece of art.
My next challenge when I feel ready is to quit smoking cigarettes as I am a terrible chainsmoker. But I am convinced it is too soon to quit something that may be a crutch during this time of sobriety. It is definitely something I will however be working on in the near future.
I just want to be my best and healthiest self and I think I am finally on the road to getting there. For all of you out there struggling to quit just believe there is hope. Your willpower may be just around the corner. It’s just waiting for you to find it.
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Published by FearANDSelf-Loathing
Who Am I?
Who Am I? Well fuck, that’s a loaded question. My name is Brittany Gushue and the thing that seems to define me the most and the topic to which this blog is dedicated to is the fact that I suffer from Bipolar Type One. I believe what makes me the best person to educate and bring to light topics of mental health is my firsthand experience with this disorder and all its pitfalls and actually believe it or not, benefits. I have learned a lot in my twenty eight years on this earth but the fundamental truth I am most thankful for learning is to never take anything for granted – especially your sanity.
I have been hospitalized on three separate occasions, twice for manic psychosis and once for depression. I have experienced the soaring highs and crippling lows of the bipolar pendulum and I can honestly say I don’t know which is worse. I’ve had delusions of grandeur, hallucinations and paranoia as a result of my illness. I believe these things make me fundamentally more grounded as a person for having lost my sanity, not once but twice, I write from nothing resembling a high horse.
I am currently an aspiring author and am working on a manuscript detailing my journey from sanity to insanity, and then back again. A fun fact about me is that I once genuinely believed I was a millionaire with boat loads of cash and luxury cars at my disposal when in reality I was living off welfare. I’ve spent more time in the psych ward than most will ever spend in a hospital in general. I am certifiable but best believe I own that shit.
The thing that connects me to you, my reader, however is that at the very core of it I am human just like you. I’ve experienced love, loss, fear and everything in between. I write from a place of experience when addressing mental health. I want you to understand if nothing else that your illness does not define you. You are undeniably you, flaws and all. Embrace that shit!And remember you are never completely alone in this. There are people like me who have been there and have come out better for it on the other side.
More than anything, I want to say, “I hope you’re down for the ride” that is this blog.
xoxoxoxox,
BiPolarMania
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so proud of you & you should be stoked at yourself! I have been almost 2 months sober — and loving it.
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oh wow super proud of you! and it’s a great feeling!!!
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