carousel

“The carousel never stops turning” is a famous phrase from an episode of Grey’s Anatomy in which Ellis Grey is relentless with this saying. Translated it means that life never stops–for everything that happens on a daily basis, you have to keep moving on.

I feel like everyone can relate to this but I feel it more when I am depressed as I currently am. Regardless of what has happened to me and how I currently feel about it has led me to realize that life stops for no one. The carousel keeps turning so to speak in that each day will come and pass and this will all be for naught. My brain when depressed sees things more morbidly. I realize that my life is not infinite and is in fact finite.

I become caught up in thoughts about what I wanted to achieve by now and am left in despair at the realization that I am nowhere near where I wanted to be at this point in my life. I am jealous and insecure of people who “have it together” because more so than anything, I WAS that person. I once had literally everything going for me and now it feels as though I have nothing.

This is my depression speaking and I know that and am quite aware of it as a person struggling with bipolar disorder. I’ve also noticed a classic symptom of depression in that I am less inclined to do the things I enjoy such as painting and reading. I find my brain is too scattered or either too apathetic to want to do these things. I am however, trying to get back on my long board more.

I know I need to work through this depression and I will eventually see the end of all this hurt and hang up. I am going to start with being more physically active and taking the time to do the things I enjoy whether I feel like doing them or not. (I am taking the time to blog right now, am I not?) I will work on myself and gain back some of my confidence by setting small goals and smashing them then building on making bigger goals and working towards achieving them. I believe I can get out of this rut if I try, key word TRY.

I really have no other option but to try because my life is happening now whether I like it or not. Life stops for no one and the best thing you can do is enjoy the ride.

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