A Picture of my view. Yes, I drink red bull and flaming hot Doritos, What of it??
After about a year of being on Cipralex, a popular antidepressant, I decided with the help of my family doctor to wean off the medication. I was on a lower dose of about 10mg and it was causing weight gain and hypersomnia. Now that being said, it may be a drug that could work for someone else. My brain however was experiencing adverse side effects like lethargy and lack of ambition or goal seeking behavior. So I decided to wean off it with the help of my doctor because it wasn’t really helping me with my anxiety which was the entire point of being on it. I am also on a monthly injection of abilify, an anti-psychotic, which keeps my bipolar disorder in check and keeps me from becoming manic. This means my mood is already managed and I can afford to decrease my anti-depressant safely.
I have also had horrible experiences with anti-depressants making me psychotically manic and therefore welcome the opportunity to try and live with out them. I will never however stop taking my monthly dose of anti-psychotic. I have had the worse experience with antidepressants when my psychiatrist decided to treat my bipolar disorder with only two antidepressants: Wellbutrin and Cipralex, and no anti-psychotic. Let’s just say…I went fucking psychotic. I believed I was a celebrity with millions of dollars and tried buying just about everything and anything I could think of – from wine tours to mustang convertibles. I ended up of course in the psychward when I could not put my money where my mouth was. The point is anti-depressants without a mood stabilizer for a bipolar person equals disaster.
And you’re probably wondering well how are you feeling? Now that you’ve weaned off your anti-depressant? Well I feel great some days and horrible on the rest. But that has more so to do with my choices in life and I am not particularly proud of them lately. However, I have decided to be more positive and start to make small changes in my life to gradually bolster my mood. I believe, no I know, that if I can change my attitude and take more responsibility for my actions then I will have less anxiety and be less depressed. Some of these changes are to quit smoking pot and cigarettes, to do more physical exercise and yoga, to go to regular counseling and to create more art, whether that be blogging, photographing or painting, drawing, etc.
I am starting to regain some focus and drive now that I have weaned off Cipralex. I am volunteering more of my time to various organizations. One organization is art-focused which allows me to reconnect with my education and background in art history and the arts in general. I am creating more art and am just beginning to sell some of it. When I was asked why I wanted to volunteer there, I replied “I simply love being around art. If I could, I’d be around it all day.” I have decided to work on my artistic ambitions more so than ever before because any time invested in something I love is not a waste in my opinion. I love creativity and seek to be around it everywhere I go. For example, I bought this new tablet/laptop in hopes that I may be able to blog more which brings me to my last and final statement: I will be blogging much more!
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