My Journal – A Look Inside the Chaos

Every so often (usually once a year) I buy a new journal when I feel a shift in attitude towards life coming on, to mark the beginning of a new phase in my life or simply because I find the journal too cute to not buy. All three reasons mentioned above motivated me when buying my “I Gotta Have Hope” journal by a company called “Knock Knock.” You can check out their site knockknockstuff.com to see a plethora of witty products they create. They state their mission is to “to bring humor, creativity, and smarts to everyday life.” They have definitely succeeded in their mission by bringing such a unique and clever journal to life. This journal prompts me to reflect and grapple with the topic of hope. There have been points in my life where I have lost all of that – hope – which is why I picked up this journal because I am ready to dream again.

This journal by Knock Knock is referred to as an “Inner-Truth Journal” which is explained on the back of the book: “Journals provide us with a trusted place to be entirely honest, but Inner-Truth Journals are themselves honest. With validating prompts and hopeful (but not hokey) quotes, you’ll journal until you believe in the beautiful dream again, more or less.”

The journal follows the same template for each pair of pages. On the left is a inspirational quote on hope meant to prompt your journal entry or at the very least provide a wise reflection. On the right is a ruled page for the journal writer to fill in his or her thoughts of the day. There’s a really cute element added at the end of each entry which is pictures of glasses ranging from spilled, to half full, to full and, even full with an umbrella. Above these four different choices of glass, are the words “Today’s Hopeful Outlook.” It serves as a check in for yourself to see where you are at that day, whether you see that day’s glass as half empty or half full. The design of the journal is very simple and the quote appears in a white font against a different coloured solid background. This lack of “visual noise” like too many graphic elements, or images, etc., strips the quote being referenced down to its bones. It stands alone and comes across as even more meaningful for its ability to do so. That is one thing I need to mention about this journal, these quotes are phenomenal and not just randomly picked but rather curated. They were chosen for their unique ability to make you ponder your life on another, higher level.

Now everyone can use this journal differently but the way I do it is I open to a new page and read the quote or rather prompt then write how I’m feeling from the context of that quote. Today’s quote really resonated with me on a personal level because I had one of the deepest depressions of my life where I had to be hospitalized and put on suicide watch as a result of not understanding this: that I am ultimately the editor of this story – of my life. The quote, “It is never too late – in fiction or in life – to revise” by Nancy Thayer comforts me and also incites me into action. On one level, I can reconcile my past and let it go because ultimately I can change my future yet on another it pushes me to do something, to revise something.

I had a dream of becoming a professor of Art History and getting my Masters and PhD before the age of 30. I had it all planned out and was on track to achieve it (honor roll, super involved in extracurricular activities) when it all blew up in my face with the onset of bipolar disorder, more specifically a manic psychosis. I had a complete break from reality and the anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers that were meant to bring me back to sanity made it impossible to focus and study the way I had been used to, prior to this episode. I eventually had to withdraw from my fourth year at Carleton University and accept that I could not achieve my dream. This led to a further spiral into depression and another hospitalization all because I still had yet to learn that “It is never too late in life to revise.” I genuinely believed because my dream was over that my life was over. It did not occur to me until much later after several years and several self-help books and oh hey! – journaling, that I had a revelation: I can have more than one dream and I have the last say on what I ultimately do with my life.

I lost a lot of ground stuck in this mind loop of self-loathing and pity. When all I needed to do was reframe the way I viewed life. I realize now we have the right and power to flip the script, to revise our life. And all you need to start this revision/change is to open your mind to the possibility of it. This is what this journal in general does for me. It opens my mind to the possibility of hope and of a new dream. It allows me to imagine better for myself and try to actively work out what that may look like. My dream of being a professor died but maybe it made room for a better, more fulfilling dream – like my new found dream to be published and share my journey from sanity to insanity, and back again.

I write on Nov. 16, 2020, about my struggles to write my book I am working on. I write, “I dream of finishing my book to give myself hope of a more meaningful and impactful life. I want to share my story in hopes that just one person will find comfort in hearing it.” This was prompted again by the quote provided on the left hand side of the page. I love this journal because it causes you to reflect not only on what you hope and dream for but also the reason why. I strongly believe that if you have a powerful enough understanding of why you want something, you are more likely to work harder for it. I understand now that at the root of everything, in the grand scheme of life, I am hoping to just find some meaning.

In short, if you’re looking for journals that will prompt you to change your life then look no further past Knock Knock’s “Inner-Truth” Journals.

All my love,

Forever Journaling,

BipolarMania,

xoxoxoxoxoxo.