I am going on four weeks sober from quitting smoking marijuana and I’ve already noticed some changes. One of these changes is that I seem to be the Energizer Bunny with a shit ton of energy and inability to sleep. Prior to this endeavor I was napping constantly and having a hard time being awake and alert. I feel as though I am making up for lost time. I want to do the things I was unable to before and I want to do it all!
The most beneficial change and the one I’ve noticed the most is I have a much better accepting and positive attitude. I can accept where I am in life and have slowly made plans to make small changes in order to achieve the longer term goals I am now setting myself. While smoking dope I was prone to commiserate on my current situation and smoked even more dope to deal with the commiseration. I want to be more active in my life both physically and figuratively.
I have set myself a really realistic goal of registering and attending driver’s school in the Fall. Before I was too negative and anxiety ridden to even consider this idea. Now that I am sober, however, anything and everything seems possible! I accept that there may be challenges. both mental and financial, but instead of shying away from the challenge I am ready to take it on.
I believe if I can get sober after five years of chronic misuse of cannabis than I can do anything I set my mind to! I am confident I will never smoke the reefer again and being around it does not even faze me (seeing as it is legal in my country). My willpower is astounding these past four weeks and I have pleasantly surprised myself – it’s good to know I still got it in me!
To all of you looking to get sober from either hard drugs or recreational ones like pot, just know there really is hope for you – especially if a crazy (literally certifiable a.k.a bipolar chick) stoner and recreational coke user like me could quit after five years of insanity. I got sober despite my very chronic and active use of drugs and so can you!
Feel Free to Comment about your adventures or challenges with sobriety for there is power in solidarity.
Keep Trying! You’ ll Get There!
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Who Am I?
Who Am I? Well fuck, that’s a loaded question. My name is Brittany Gushue and the thing that seems to define me the most and the topic to which this blog is dedicated to is the fact that I suffer from Bipolar Type One. I believe what makes me the best person to educate and bring to light topics of mental health is my firsthand experience with this disorder and all its pitfalls and actually believe it or not, benefits. I have learned a lot in my twenty eight years on this earth but the fundamental truth I am most thankful for learning is to never take anything for granted – especially your sanity.
I have been hospitalized on three separate occasions, twice for manic psychosis and once for depression. I have experienced the soaring highs and crippling lows of the bipolar pendulum and I can honestly say I don’t know which is worse. I’ve had delusions of grandeur, hallucinations and paranoia as a result of my illness. I believe these things make me fundamentally more grounded as a person for having lost my sanity, not once but twice, I write from nothing resembling a high horse.
I am currently an aspiring author and am working on a manuscript detailing my journey from sanity to insanity, and then back again. A fun fact about me is that I once genuinely believed I was a millionaire with boat loads of cash and luxury cars at my disposal when in reality I was living off welfare. I’ve spent more time in the psych ward than most will ever spend in a hospital in general. I am certifiable but best believe I own that shit.
The thing that connects me to you, my reader, however is that at the very core of it I am human just like you. I’ve experienced love, loss, fear and everything in between. I write from a place of experience when addressing mental health. I want you to understand if nothing else that your illness does not define you. You are undeniably you, flaws and all. Embrace that shit!And remember you are never completely alone in this. There are people like me who have been there and have come out better for it on the other side.
More than anything, I want to say, “I hope you’re down for the ride” that is this blog.
xoxoxoxox,
BiPolarMania
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Reblogged this on Rackham’s Blog.
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